Adventures in Laundry

Doing laundry in an apartment building is always an adventure. The communal nature and inopportune moments are firmly cemented in our heads. You never know when you are going to be emptying a dryer; pausing on a particularly nice thong when the owner comes walking in, you holding it like some trophy fish. Or as you try to rush to vacate a washing machine for your neighbor (of course they are hot), you accidentally leave behind your gold lame speedo. But aside from the embarrassing follies, sometimes odd things just happen in the laundry room. Today was no exception. I went down to the basement to do some much needed laundry. As I open the door I find my apartment manager keeping a feather in the air by blowing underneath it. Some other guy (Crazy Man) is keeping time. I slide by pretending not to care; after all I am in the laundry room where weird shit happens and he is my manager and we all know managers are weird. As I begin separating my lights and darks in walks Crazy Mary. Now I am eager with anticipation to see what unfolds. Mary begins to chat me up, of course talking about the weather. Somehow we end up on the subject of camping (I am doing my camping laundry). This is when she reveals that her and no women would ever camp because there are animals that kill people. She is terrified of bears and cougars. But men are strong and can handle cougars. I chuckle a bit in my head as my mind drifts towards the gutter as she continues telling about the perils of cougars. As her story draws to an end, I begin my wash and return to my apartment. Thirty minutes later I return to swap the loads. Crazy Mary is now staring at Crazy Man as he sleeps. As I walk in Crazy Man stumbles around and tries to look busy. I guess he thought I was the manager, and needed to appear busy for his boss. While swapping the laundry, my manager returns. This time Crazy Man gives him a comic in one of those clear plastic dust covers. For the next 15 minutes they discuss comics, illustrators, and the next issue. This is all making sense, I can see my manager as a comic book guy. I again return to my apartment wondering what my final trip will have in store for me. An hour later I return to claim my clean clothes. Now Crazy Mary is sitting on the dryer listening to Crazy Man. This not only makes extracting the laundry awkward, as she doesn't move, but the pontification from Crazy Man is hilarious. As I gather my clothes I hear him attempting to convert Crazy Mary. Biblical babble and tenuous arguments for his form of religion spew from his lips. I am just waiting for him to disclose the location of a spaceship in a comet tail and ask her to drink some Kool-Aid.