Battle of the Bums

So I failed to make a solitary post for the month of October. Excuses aside, I am going to chalk it up to the fact that I was planning a minor adventure to SE Asia and thus spent two weeks away from the allure of my glowing monitor and clunky keyboard. That is not to say that I stopped making notes of the obscure everyday occurrences I witnessed.


On a recent walk to the grocery store I approached a rather dangerous intersection. Four roads come together, three of which are one way streets, and none of them line up. This not only makes the intersection mind numbing for the motorist, as they struggle to decipher the universe ending possibility of a legal left turn on red, but it creates an equally ambiguous dilemma for the pedestrian. The best part about this intersection is the coffee shop which sits quaintly on the corner. Chairs provide a front row seat to the spectacle of real life frogger combined with Washington drivers. So at this intersection I found myself patiently waiting for that perfect window of opportunity when the red hand transitions to the white walking man. It is at just that moment when one must bravely claim the intersection. While this is going on I see a bum woman and a bum man waiting on the other side. They are talking rather loudly, his speech slurred. People are taking notice, wondering if something is amiss. And then out of nowhere, just before the signal transitions to walking man; she pushes him. I am not talking some playful little nudge. No she forcefully shoves this grown man to the curb. The bags he is holding in his hands spill into the streets, a tsunami of paper bagged liquor. His one tattered shoe shoots airborne as he stumbles for footing with the curb. Full beers cans roll down the street. Not only was her push good and forceful, her timing was impeccable. Just at the moment that his stubbled face is making contact with the asphalt, the light turns green. Motorists are dazed, taunted by the green light they cannot accept and baffled by the audacity of this woman. Pedestrians are equally perplexed, uncertain to whom they should offer aid. Bum, rolling beers, stalled motorists, bagged booze, baffled citizens, and a single defiant woman simultaneously possess the intersection of chaos. Time progresses slower, the only movement that of the brazen woman who crosses the intersection and confidently states, "that felt great!" A wry grin showing on her lips. Green turns to yellow and everyone returns to their senses rapidly helping to collect the man's belongings and return order to the intersection.