Bagels and Smear

A recent outing in the rain revealed a rather passionate distaste for bagels and smear. Now let me be emphatically clear; I like bagels and I like them topped. So then how is it that smear got me all worked up? I detest when new words are invented to describe something which already exists. To me, smear represents the epitome of the trendy bagel re-branding campaign. Prior to the mid-2000s bagels were a ubiquitous ordinary food consumed by the middle-class in the comfort of their own home. You only had three flavors; plain, wheat, and cinnamon raisin. Then some brain child got the idea to make bagels classy. They became gourmet chic, an icon of healthy eating. Soon bagel eateries popped up all across this great land. Bagel sandwiches were far more hip than a simple turkey on rye. A smorgasbord of bagel options appeared overnight and with it a plethora of topping options. But to complete this culinary mirage one could not just top boiled artisan breads with cream cheeses, no they required an entirely new topping. Enter the smear (to sarcastic trumpets). Simply put a smear is a whipped flavored cream cheese. Let's dig a bit deeper. Whipped: the incorporation of air into the cream cheese. This allows easier spreading, genius. It also leads to you consuming less, marketing genius. So now I think I am eating something healthier cause the calories of smear are less than cream cheese, when all I am really doing is consuming less cream cheese with a side of air and paying more for it. If this wasn't bad enough, they gave us the word smear. If you are going to invent a word for whipped cream cheese, it could have been anything; or at least something more appetizing. The act of smearing is not terribly appetizing. Why didn't they just call it 'plop'? I mean it is a similar action, is equally as appetizing, and one letter shorter. You could walk up and order your Pumpernickle bagel with honey almond* plop, toasted and sliced, to go please. What is next; gourmet doughnuts?
*By the way your plop contains nuts.