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Sometimes you're the Comedian, sometimes you're the Dummy

Hawaii in a Can

Today I was down rummaging through the office, or simply going downstairs for a hot cup of tea, when I stumbled across one of the most perplexing food concoctions I have seen. I have done my fair share of traveling and have had my fair share of odd foods. Across the world people eat different foods. And although some might find various types of meat disgusting, or not particularly enjoy an exotic fruit, these are unprocessed foods. These unprocessed foods represent the exoticism of the place. It is the cornucopia of processed foods that not only scare me, but also cause me pause. My mind wanders to a laboratory in the Midwest where scientists in white robes stand over potions in an attempt to make a pepperoni pizza flavored jelly bean. Their attempt while a failure resulted in an incredibly accurate vomit flavored jelly bean, which I can personally attest to. Thank you Jelly Belly and Harry Potter. But today I ran across the oddly flavored macadamia nut. I like macadamias. I have had sweet and spicy ones and to be quite honest have yet to find one I dislike; until today. Spam flavored macadamia nuts? In spite of how wrong I see this food to be I find it somehow comforting. I can think of no better souvenir to describe Hawaii than this little treat. So the next time you go to Hawaii, fore go the boxed pineapple or the plastic lei. Instead bring all your friends back Spam flavored macadamia nuts.

Supervising Women Workers (1944)

This is a short film which was developed to teach men how to supervise women in the workplace. Viewing it from today's context demonstrates just how far we as a society have come, and perhaps how far we still have to go. As it was suggested to me; perhaps this is a video for Sepp Blatter or Andy Gray.

*The video is from the Prelinger Archive.

Bird Lady

This post is a follow up to the 2007 Voodoo Chicken post (linked in title). Today I experienced a profoundly odd event. While at the Pink Elephant car wash. I thought it would be smart to get the car washed just before the Super Bowl as the lines would be minimal and I could expedite the process. My assumption proved true, but I failed to realize that the chances of running across more crazies was increased. Standing outside in the grey northwest afternoon, I attentively watch as men dry and polish my car. An African-American woman approaches. She is walking her bike and wearing a 'Nutcase' helmet. This should have been my first warning. As she approaches I notice her carrying something. When she is near me it is revealed she is holding a pigeon by both its wings. Shocked and a bit alarmed, I wonder what is going on here. Calmly she asks me, "Do you know the number I can call to get some help for this pigeon's broken foot." Dumbfounded, I pause while I process what is going on here. I mean seriously lady, you call the pigeon police. Of course I don't know that number. So I politely respond, "No I am sorry I do not know who you should call." Although I did briefly think about giving out a friend's number as a prank. She continues to stare at me, this bird so exhausted it has acquiesced to her grip. I then inform her that I don't think it is smart for her to hold a pigeon. I mean aren't pigeons like the rats of the air? They always have weird growths and missing toes. She looks at me, confused that I have suggested she release the bird. Saying no more she continues walking down the street as the car wash workers are caught in awe as she parades her hand caught fowl for all to see.

Final Approach Los Angeles

Palin gets Owned

Watch Sarah Palin get owned by Colbert. From minutes 2:07 to 3:19 Colbert goes on a tear. Sit back enjoy and  try to keep up. I applaud you Mr. Colbert.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Mika Brzezinski Experiences Palin Fatigue
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The Haunting Future of our Food

The reality of childhood obesity is alarming. I am not talking about the alarming increase in the number of fat kids, that is obvious. Kids are no longer chubby, they are obese. An example happened to a friend of mine recently. He teaches outdoor education courses for a school district in Colorado (the fittest state). Grade schoolers get on a bus and go off for a day into nature to learn about the outdoors, it is similar to Islandwood near Seattle. So my friend was taking kids for a nature hike. After a short distance they reach a wire fence. My friend lifts the fence and helps all the kids through; well all except one. The one young child is unable to squeeze his body between the wires. My friend now distraught as all the waiting kids are now helpless to see how an adult can remedy this situation. So my friend decides he can lift the kid over the fence. So he talks it over with the kid and then tries to pick him up. Unable to lift him over the fence my friend has to help the entire class back through the fence and cancel the hike. The class is bummed, the overweight child feels singled out and horrible for ruining the fun for all his friends. Is this anyway to live as a child? I think not.

Tonight I was again reminded of our inability to teach proper fitness and nutrition to our children. I am lucky I grew up on fruits and vegetables from our garden, we canned fruit from the neighborhood orchard, and my protein consisted of mostly game which my father hunted. I know...I am so redneck rustic, but it was an incredibly healthy and economical food source. But tonight I saw a young mother who probably didn't know any better. She was clearly in a rush as she whisked her young daughter around the grocery store. Making incredibly general assumptions, she looked to be a young working-class mother who probably had a tight budget and an even more restricted schedule. Food was a necessity and the preparation had to be minimal. Read: processed food in front of the television; no plates or silverware...only disposable packaging. As she hit the refrigerated aisles she had a choice. On her right was all the packaged meats from the butcher. On her left was the processed foods, cheeses, and ziplocked deli meats. She went left and grabbed three Hormel Refrigerated Entrees. Her young daughter was excited to have Slow Simmered Chicken Breasts in Gravy. Sounds healthy right? Now I have nothing against Hormel, but this is an argument about the issue with teaching our children to rely on packaged food. That "Chicken" had over 1070mg of sodium in a 161g meal. The other entrees she selected were heavy in sodium, sugar, and fats; not to mention the unpronounceable ingredients. Now I don't blame the mother, but this isn't food and this isn't the way we should be raising our kids.

Below is one last example of marketing that makes sugary cereals irresistible to children.

America's Joyous Future

It is moments such as this, when one receives an image that make you ponder the "American Dream." Where have we gone wrong? It would become a perfect visual metaphor of US society if it was a church renting worship space in a public school.

Penetration Details

The other day I was doing some all too boring detailing. Taking a step back I realized how hilarious these details truly are. Here they are for your enjoyment. My favorite are the Butt Strips located near the Sanitary Sealant. Suddenly my life seems more interesting.